Today I received notice that someone was selling a figure from my MFC wishlist: Sailor Succubus Sapphire, an original character from Orchid Seed. I browsed her pics and determined that she is, in fact, a figure I’d like to own someday. Scrolling to the bottom of the page revealed that she’s been tagged in an MFC club named “Fuckable Figures.” I think that if she were a flesh-and-blood waifu, she would indeed be worthy of intercourse. But this group is about fuckable figures–as in the act of introducing them to your genitalia, which raises a lot of questions:

How does one fuck a figure?

I guess this varies from person to person. If you’re a penis wielder, it seems that rubbing onto surfaces is easy enough if you point in the right direction. Then there are figures which can “grip” if their limbs are built the right way. Members of Fuckable Figures point to some waifus that have the perfect bodies for this. I imagine the Super Pochaco drink holder can manage this, though I don’t know how big her “drink” has to be to grab hold.

As for vagina wielders or anal warriors, Fuckable Figures is noticeably silent. Rubbing is always an option, but I can’t advise touching oneself to most figures, which may have sharp edges and angles that no lubricant will help with. I also can’t speak to whether lubricants will eventually damage a figure, water based or otherwise.

How do I manage the clean-up?

Many otaku regularly dust their shelved figures. Sometimes we have to clean grime and oddly sticky residue from our waifus, maybe with a damp cloth or gentle toothbrush. But dealing with human secretions is another matter. The consensus on Fuckable Figures seems to be washing figures with water after doing the deed. Others say that using mild dish soap is also a fine thing to do for PVC/ABS plastics, but be careful around decals or nice paint jobs. If you’re not comfortable enjoying these figures to the sexual maximum, just foreplay yourself with one and finish the job elsewhere. And I hope this goes without saying, but maybe you shouldn’t try selling that figure in the future.

Why do people fuck figures?

As far as I know, men will stick their dicks in anything. Figures are things, and they look like women, so why not cum on them? But that’s not a hard answer to reach. Other reasons can be related to fetishes, animism, and the uncanny valley, none of which I’ll dive into with this post. I don’t know what switch converts a collector into a figure fucker. Perhaps there’s that potential in all of us given the right situation, such as extended amounts of alone time, or desire for simpler relationships. Figures exist for our pleasure, that’s all. I can’t judge anyone for how they choose to use them.

For more about this topic, check out the Fuckable Figures on MFC, or r/cummingonfigures.