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Lady Red’s First Waifu

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Like Goatius, I too was indoctrinated into the world of anime through Pokemon and Digimon. But it wasn’t until Cartoon Network’s all anime block, Toonami, that my tweeny hormones started to kick in for 2D characters. Being a “mature” pansexual now, eleven-year-old me didn’t understand or accept any attraction I felt toward other genders. Instead, I played that fangirl role hard, hating on any and all female anime characters and swooning over those bishie husbandos, or shipping them off with their male co-stars. My first, real “waifu” crush didn’t emerge until my late teenage years.

After some internal reflection about which anime girl tantalized me before I accepted the BIG GAY ™ into my life, a ray of light from the weeb heavens parted the sky, granting me access to my repressed emotions. Initially I thought my first waifu was Sailor Uranus (ba dum tsh!), but my attraction to her was due to the US version of Sailor Moon trying super hard to make her masculine. They jipped us all of her romance with Neptune (because making incestuous cousins was a really good idea, USA). So, scratch that shit. Instead, who should appear into my brains but Aerith Gainsborough–or Aeris, depending on how picky you are (jk, love you).

Whoa mama, look at that sexy ass LOW POLY BODY.

Aerith Gainsborough comes from the very popular Final Fantasy VII RPG, which has found its way back into my heart with the ported Switch release and PS4 remake. Aerith, one of the main protagonists–and IMO, the perfect girl for Cloud–still makes my little gay heart flutter. That one-piece, puffy shoulder-pad dress and Rapunzel-like braid got me tripping right back into the 90’s. This is technically a video game franchise, but Aerith still classifies as a waifu, and she is the epitome of the good girl anime trope. Her smiling face and optimistic attitude in the looming shadow of Jenova’s doom makes me feel all goofy inside. I liken it to the added cheeseball Cloud moments gifted to me by Square Enix’s thirst trap remake.

This was like top tier graphics back in my day.

Without giving spoilers–since there’s a whole new generation of FFVII fans–I’ll just say that Aerith’s genuinely kindhearted nature and ability to adapt to difficult times made me fall in love with her. She has remained a favorite of mine through all these years, and I speculate as to why I don’t own any merchandise of her… Oh, yeah, it’s because most of it sucks and/or is way out of my price range. But that’s beside the point. When I think of her as a waifu, I’m absent on titties and ass and instead filled with a deep desire to see her safe and happy. If that isn’t love then I don’t know what is. (I can always scour R34 for NSFW fanart if I need that fix…not that I go there or anything, lol… >.>)

Holy shit T-T
As long as you here, gurl.

Lastly, for those that know me best, they may be surprised to know that Asuka Langley is not my first waifu. Asuka isn’t even a waifu: she’s THE Queen. She can squash me in the giant hands of Mama 02 because my existence to her is pathetic and I am nothing more than an expendable meat shield.  All hail… What were we talking about again?

RIGHT! Aerith. Regardless of whoever your first waifu was (you should totally drop a comment on who that is), I hope they still have a special place inside your weeb heart forever and always.

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