I think I’m an Ass Man. I see an ass and my first thought is, “I wish I was Kirby so that I could fit the whole thing in my mouth.” I think twerking is the highest form of art humans have ever created. Doesn’t your heart flutter with joy when an ass jiggles, ripples, and bounces under the forces of gravity? It’s as beautiful as watching ocean waves lap against the shore.

I say all this because my friend @fallettus thinks I’m a Breast Man. I’ve been staring at Aphrody’s breasts for a while now, and I must say, he may be on to something. Like the meme goes, Kirby would suck the whole tiddy.

First of all, there’s two versions of Sen Megami Aphrody. The only one you’ll find for sale online is the Green Version, which I think is garish; it also comes with a pair of bare legs. The Purple Version, the one I purchased, is impossible to find for any reasonable price. I don’t like to bargain with overpriced merch and unreasonable sellers, so I waited…and waited…and waited until Hobby Search relisted Purple Aphrody for less than her initial sales price. Moral of the story? Patience is a virtue.

Mogudan, the hentai god responsible for Sailor Succubus Sapphire, also illustrated Aphrody. He’s really good at making women with MEAT on their bones. I believe her design is based on the Norse Valkyries, as some websites list her as Valkyrie Aphrodi, and “Sen Megami” roughly translates to “War Goddess.”

I think the concept and presentation for Aphrody is perfect. A war goddess reclining in her obviously useless armor, perhaps pondering what’s taking her lover so long to lie beside her, is a nice contradiction. She doesn’t have to make the first move because if she did, she’d probably kill them with her warrior’s passion.

My grievances here aren’t massive, but it depends on personal taste. I don’t love Aphrody’s face: it looks like the sculptor was seeing through a fish-eye lens. Her smile is hilariously tiny, even for a Japanese manga character. Small mouths are expected in anime and manga culture, but I see it most often when a character is pouting or in awe. Lastly, I think the overall craftsmanship, from paint job to accessories, is a little rough and clunky. This is my first A+ figure, so I don’t know what most of their offerings are like.

I’m not going to let the flaws overshadow the positives here: Aphrody looks best when you remove her cheap bikini bottom and swap the clothed torso for her bare breasts. This is high praise when considering I have many cast-off figures, but keep most of their clothes on for display. Remember my rant about Aphrody’s breasts? I wasn’t kidding when I said Kirby would swallow them. In combination with her ample hips and buttocks, I’d say she’s marriage material in the event I’m ever reborn as a Norse warrior who dies in battle. God only knows how mindblowing–and fatal–the sex would be.

P.S. I removed the legs from my figure only to find out there’s no reason to do that. Don’t be like me.